Sunday, October 2, 2011

Weight Watchers - the 4th time around

So I joined Weight Watchers for the 4th time, 2 weeks and one day ago. I joined it after I had Conrad, just because, after I had Molly, and now, after having Rhett. I was 205.4, 2 weeks ago, and as of yesterday, I am 198.4 or something like that. It feels good, but I still have a long way to go. I always think to myself... Why did I ever let myself get like this? I know I am an emotional eater, and I do like to cook, and appreciate a good meal, or tasty treat. I really had to force myself to join this time, and I waited a long time to do it. I just didn't feel emotionally ready to make the commitment. Luckily, I have a great support system. I go walking with Christine, and Kristen has joined us in the last week. I go to Weight Watchers with Kristen. I don't think I would be committed to either thing if I didn't have the support system I have.

So, I was thinking about my goals. They say I need to be between 135 and 160. I was 127 in college, and my mom thought I was anorexic, 145 when I got married, and felt great. I went on birth control when I got married, and gained 40 lbs in 3 months. I think I had a bit of depression. I never took the weight off. 180 is pretty much where I stay. The lowest I have gotten on Weight Watchers in 169, 170, and then I plateau. I can't seem to ever break into my target range. I wonder if I can do it this time? I am 38 lbs away. Seems far, but it is better than being 46 lbs away. I have to tell myself that.

I did HCG 2 1/2 years ago. I got down to 174, then got pregnant a month later. Hubby wants me to do HCG again, instead of WW, because he thinks it takes the weight off my middle, and leaves "the girls," intact. What the? I want to lose weight to look better, but also to feel better, be more healthy, and have more energy. I don't want my kids to look back on their childhoods, remembering having a chubby mom with no energy, who was always grumpy.

Haley asked if I want to run the Moab 1/2 marathon. I think I do. It will force me to exercise this winter. And, I am always up for a girls weekend.

I think my weight is my lifetimes struggle. Maybe someday I can master it. Baby steps. My first goal at WW is 5%. I am hoping to reach it by Sat. 2 more lbs. I can do it! I can do it! I have to keep telling myself that. Maybe I will be brave and post the worst (Fat) picture of myself I have ever seen - maybe. No one reads this blog anyway - right?